God's Voice through a Child

A class was offered at church based on Maria Nemeth’s book. The Energy of Money. The underlying philosophy of the book is that the way we do money is the way we do life. One week into the class, I was working on a “money biography.” After responding to most of the questions with, “I don’t know,” or “I can’t remember,” I had an epiphany. “Oh my god,” I said out loud. “I have been doing money completely unconsciously, and that is exactly how I’ve been living my life, unconsciously. In a moment of complete surrender, I said a prayer that changed my life: “Dear God, please wake me up!”
That prayer ought to come with a warning label! The very next day I came home to find a trail of shit (literally) that led to where my husband was lying passed out in a puddle of it. Talk about a metaphor.
So it was I found myself driving to the hospital to meet with my husband and his doctor chanting the prayer, “God help me to see him through your eyes. Let me see the blessing in this moment.” I wanted to make that choice. I was crying out to God to help me.
As I sat in that stark room at the hospital and listened to my husband confess horrifying behavior related to sex addiction, I was able to remain calm. As the behaviors he described became progressively more shocking, the voice of God became progressively louder. That strong voice in my head overcame all other sounds in the room. “All is well,” it said. “Your peace and safety lie in your relationship with me.”
Finally my bewildered husband looked at me, “I don’t understand how you can be so calm. I am a monster.”

At that point, I believe the Holy Spirit spoke directly through me. The words came out of my mouth, but it was God speaking. “You have done some terrible things,” I said. “But I know the truth of who you are. You are a child of God and, for no other reason than that, I forgive you.”
As my husband continued to be lost in addiction and denial, I was led through continuous miraculous communication with God to get a divorce. One of God’s most powerful instruments turned out to be my six-year-old granddaughter. She came to visit me shortly after my husband went into the hospital. She had been told nothing about what had happened. She didn’t know he was in the hospital. She walked through the door, asked for paper and crayons and started to draw.
She almost seemed to be in a trance as she described her drawing. First she made what looked like a tornado at the center of the page. “This is a big wind,” she said. Next she drew two arms reaching out of the tornado. “This is grandpa,” she said.
I had to remember to breathe as I watched her continue.
“This is an angel,” she said of the little yellow figure reaching up to grandpa’s arms.
Then she drew a crying figure on the opposite side of the tornado. “This is you,” she declared.
“Why am I so sad?” I asked.
“Because your knees are bloody,” she said as she put red scribbles on my knees in the picture.
She put the crayons down and was herself again.
I thought God might be speaking to me through her drawing, but the bloody knees might also just be a six-year-old’s idea of why grandma would be sad. The full meaning of the picture became clear the next day. After spending at least an hour on my knees crying out to God for guidance, a literal pain shot through my knees and a blinding light of clarity shot through my head.
“That’s it,” I cried. “My hope lies in staying on my knees and bringing my pain to God.” I looked carefully at my granddaughter’s drawing. It became clear it was not
my responsibility to save my husband. He had an angel ready to help him. My job was to help myself with prayer.
The Lord was truly my shepherd throughout those extreme times. And it was because of those times that I gained a greater and greater trust in the guidance of God’s voice and a clearer understanding of the many ways God’s voice can manifest. God never gave up. He even called out to me in the drawing of a six-year-old child.
I have moved forward with my life with courage and faith and am fulfilling my life’s purpose in a new career coaching others through their own experiences of transformation. I have also found the courage to love again. I am in a new relationship that far exceeds what I could have ever imagined.