The importance of reinforcing positive behavior with our children. This point was driven home even more upon reading the book, "Parenting With Love" by Glenn I. Latham.
He opens his book with this point: "Behavior is Largely a Product of It's Immediate Environment." He goes on to explain, "Simply put, fix the environment and you will fix the behavior. The first lesson to be learned by parents is the importance of creating an environment in the home that will encourage and reinforce appropriate behavior." (Latham p.1)
He later goes on to state: "Of all the consequences that reinforce the behavior of children, I have found nothing to be more powerful than parental attention. Over the years, as I have worked with families, I have been interested to note that, on average, more than 95 percent of all appropriate child behavior never receives any parental attention whatsoever. It is simply ignored, very much in harmony with that unfortunate, generations-old caution to 'leave well enough alone.' On the other hand, parents are five to six times more likely to pay attention to their children when the children are behaving inappropriately..."
"...which behaviors are being reinforced? The answer is obvious:
annoying, inappropriate behaviors. For the most part, ironically, the very behaviors that annoy and concern parents most are the very behaviors parents are encouraging; hence, those are the behaviors that are most likely to reoccur predictably. We have spotted the enemy, and it is us!" (Latham p. 13,14)
Glenn goes on to suggest that "parents have numerous positive interactions with their children per hour, interactions that are delivered intermittently in the form of a touch, a wink, a smile, or a pleasant verbal acknowledgement of what was done that brought parental attention. It is not unreasonable for parents to aim at having twenty or more brief, intermittent positive interactions per hour with their children, particularly young children, four to five years old and below. The result will be high rates of appropriate behavior and few if any inappropriate behaviors." (p.29)
Latham, Glenn I. (1999). Parenting With Love: Making a Difference In a Day. West Valley City, Utah: Bookcraft Publishing.
So, remember to watch for those opportunities when your children are behaving appropriately and respond with sincere, specific praise. It is amazing what a difference this makes in just a short period of time!
